NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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