was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
