whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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