fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
