i jhust puked up my retainher.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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