Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
