Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
