apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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