it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There's always time for handjobs
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
