every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
