You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
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