Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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