You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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