you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
