Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
