i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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