It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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