So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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