i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
