Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
