no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Randomize
