dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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