If i come over, it means nothing
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
