I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
