That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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