I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
