I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think my moral compass just broke
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