He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
