What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
