There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
