I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
