White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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