bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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