walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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