I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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