I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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