I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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