but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
