My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
