i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
