It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
