Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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