Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Come share oat with me in your robe
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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