Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
