just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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