is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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