Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We got so high we made milksteak
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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