apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
