Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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