dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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